the dustbin

one fine morning, i was engaged in the (consuming) experiment of
practically calculating the number of banannas i could demolish on an
empty stomach and in the process looked for a container to bear the
dozen relics of my adventure. suddenly, with an illuminating flash i realized
that one of the most tragically ignored edifices of human civilization
was the dustbin. with the ecstacy of this discovery, i promptly
abandoned the dozen rinds on the street and, as any responsible
philosopher should, continued the course of my meditations on a hammock. i have
since then found tremendous details on the phenominal importance of the
dustbin that i have decieded to write a thesis on this subject that
will stun the world. neverthless, as a trailer to that remarkable work, i am
releasing these pages to the eager reader.

most men need role models to get on with reality. contrary to public
opinion, this is not due to any weakness in them. it infact requires a
great deal of strength to curb our natural tendencies towards
idioticity and follow the hard paths of the elite few. however, there
is nowadays a scarcity of real role models. the old crop has various
allegations levelled against it. bacchus is charged with frivolity, brutus is
considered to be impractical and superman, american. it is understandable
to feel the public resentment at the lack of appearance of a hero in
recent times. having failed thoroughly in all my valient attempts to
convince the populance that i would be an excellent candidate, i propose
the dustbin as one. this is no laughing matter. one of the most serious
realizations in this modern age is that humans are in general,
incapable of absolute perfection. they are either fools, or scientists,
or prejudiced to the core, or ministers. that is why this proposal of an
inanimate candidate gains importance.

before we get carried away into the wild and wonderful world of the
dustbin, we must understand the fact that the dustbin is an integral
part of any society. practical civilization can never aim at completely
eliminating evil. it can at best isolate the dirt of the community. it
is to this noble and sacrificial purpose that the dustbin concentrates
its existance. in an era when people claiming to be martyrs are often
rascals and blackguards, the dustbin stands as a shining example to the
wandering millions. theologically, its place cannot be questioned. one
of the basic notions of religion is that man was made from dust and
will go to it in the end. what more joy can there be than to visualize a
tremendous aggregate of dust, waiting to be shaped as humans being
stored in a titanic dustbin. i suspect that the first transition of paganism
to religeon was when a wise tribe chanted terrible incantations to this
idol. the dark evening is lit by ten thousand flaming torches, the air resonates
with quiet excitement of the whole tribe. to the mystical chants of the priest,
a hundred vestal virgins slowly sway to and forth in oriental ecstacy. the
procession slowly makes way. scores of men hoist on their shoulders, a giant
dustbin marked with tribal motifs. the village chief himself sits in a smaller
dustbin, borne by his personal slaves. ahead is a monstorous altar, with happy
men waiting to be offered as human sacrifice. ah! what a world it would have been.

tragically, as the centuries have passed, the human outlook on the
dustbin has changed dramatically. it is nowadays regarded as a mere
hygenic necessity and is subjected to all sorts of slights. children
kick it about during their play and impatient housewives knock it with their
utensils. careless charwoman whack it with their brooms and swing it
irreverently on their way to empty the contents in the garbage lorry.
the fate of the specimens lined along the roads is worse. apart from being
battered by occasional raids by the metropolitan corporation, they are
subject to malicious slander by the ignorant population. unable to bear
this torture, i tried to adopt a couple of them and carry them home.
but i was stopped by a policeman who muttered some nonsense about
public property and faced by lack of compliance, added the absurd charge of
theft. but consolingly, sometime later, my landlord turned up at my
door with a gas mask and shouted something to the effect that my quarters
were,in reality one big garbage bin. after blessing him for the words, i
settled to contentment.

turning back to the virtues of our worthy subject, i would like to
see these mischevious miscreants stripped of the essential presence of
the omnipotent garbage bin. corporate executives would walk around,
their pockets bulging with orange peels and remenants of their last
meal. schoolboys would have to be condoned for carrying dead cockroaches and
scorpions in their bags. housewives would mournfully carry armfuls of
rotting garbage to bury in their backyards. corners of already cramped
apartments would be cramped further with mountains of stinking refuse
dominated by maggots, mosquitoes and flies. wild eyed clerks would
madly rummage the inner recesses of overwhelming paper waste to retrieve
important documents. street ends would be centres of free disease
distribution to the neighborhood.

however, the good natured dustbin has never yet gone on strike. on
the contrary it continues its patronage to all lower and helpless
creatures. crows and dogs will, i am sure regard the garbage bin as a
magnanimous patron throwing up unexpected delicacies. even in movies
the dustbin makes its significant appearance in three distinct roles

(1) as the holder of that terrible incriminating green envelope the
villan throws in the first scene to be fished out by the hero after the family
song and the bleessings of the family diety in the last scene.
(2) as the cunning site where the villans plant the bomb only to be
found out by the policeman hero and tossed into the nearby river
(3)finally and most importantly, as the refuge for mothers to dump
their anachronous children who usually grow up to be heroes.

besides, the garbage bin is a model for scientists and serious
philosophers. it marks a great transition in the state of evolution. the phenominal
changeof inorganic to organic. dump some food into a garbage bin and it is a
matterof days before you detect the thriving families of microbes in happy
tenement. social scientists will be delighted to know that the dustbin is one of
the major indicators of the progress of fashion and public outlook.it is
the dustbin that stands testimony to the fall of great leaders when they
are bundled in their posters and flung into compost pits by the awakened
mobs. one of the greatest acts of romance in world history, that had tremendous
implications to the future was when a group of gentlemen treated the
sea as a giant dustbin and dumped crates of foreign tea into it during the
boston tea party. lastly, the relevance of the local dustbin to the life of the
average man is evident by the sheer variety of contributions it contains.
individual egos are sure to get lostat sight of the overwhelming diversity of this
silent master. i have incorporated the cardinal virtue of rummaging the
contents of my neighborhood garbage bin each day after a purifying bath to rid me
of any vanity that i may possess and freely recommend the same as an excellent
remedy to modern ills.

but one must not be in an undue hurry for the arrival of a happy
humanity. all i would like to tell the world is that try as one may, it is
impossible to rob the garbage bin of its omnipresence. if someday, mankind, in its
foolishness decides against the existance of my subject, it will be at
a loss to implement its resolution. for, from a universal perspective, the
globe we live on is by itself the repository of the very worst type of vermin
called the humankind. at such a realization, our pride will be crushed and the
august dustbin will have revenged itself.